Autobiography of a Fantasy Character – Dark Night of the Soul

We last left our dear Hero and his friends at the brink of Night Forest, with a dark future before them. One key down, two to go in their quest to defeat Villain and restore the world to balance.

In case you missed anything, here’s a list of past installments in this fantasy parody!

• Origin Story // In which Hero grows up in Quaint Village, Mentor is mysterious, Incentive dies, Villain’s backstory is disclosed, and Hero discovers his singular purpose: to save the world.
• The Journey Begins // In which Hero and Mentor set off to save the world, horses are invincible, Hero is wounded, Mentor is characteristically mysterious, and they take refuge with the elves.
• A Refuge Disturbed // In which Hero falls instantly in love with an elf princess, hour-long ballads are sung, Hero tries to impress the princess and makes a deadly mistake, but Deus Ex Dragon comes to the rescue.
• A Side Quest // In which our fearsome trio escapes certain death, romantic tension blossoms between Hero and the elf princess, and everyone is kidnapped by dwarves.
• To Slay a Beast // In which Hero fights a Gorlab, very nearly dies, reclaims the first key, and wins the Dwarf King’s favor.

Without further ado, let us continue and see what the forest has in store for Hero.

Princess El’liaenwil, Mentor, and I have spent the better part of the day in the air, flying over blackened trees. It’s monotonous, to say the least. Especially since El’liaenwil refuses to respond to any conversation I try to make, and Mentor is brooding, his gaze on the horizon.

His words ring in my mind. “We are headed to the Night Forest. If legend holds true, a Dark Night of the Soul may lie ahead. For all of us.”

It’s all enough to put me in a rather foul mood. Did I really leave Quaint Village behind for this? The thankless role of heroism?

It’s also been… well, I’m not sure how long since I slept. Oh well. Who needs sleep on a quest anyway?

“We’re here.” Mentor’s voice breaks through my stewing thoughts. He points below, where the sparse skeleton trees give way to a dense tangle of forest stretching far into the distance. Unlike the dead trees, this forest isn’t dead yet—but it’s well on its way to dying. I can smell the rank odor of rot from here.

The dragon lands at the border of Night Forest.

“We won’t be able to take it with us,” Mentor says as we dismount. “You’ll have to send it home, Princess.”

Because of course flying over a forest we’re meant to travel on foot would not do. Heroes must abandon their advantages so that they can prove themselves.

El’liaenwil sighs and with a murmur and pat on the neck, sends the dragon off. The rush of its wings ruffles my hair as it flies away.

Mentor sets a hand on my shoulder, another on El’liaenwil’s. “Listen close. This forest marks our entry into Distant Land, territory held in Villain’s grip. Hero still has two keys to recover to set the world to rights, so it’s crucial that we are united. And whatever happens, Hero, you must move forward. Understand?”

A chill sweeps over my skin. El’liaenwil won’t meet my eyes. I stuff down a flash of anger as magic crackles in my palms. “Understood, Mentor.” I straighten my spine and face the thicket of rotting branches, dead leaves, and thick vines ahead of us. “Let’s go.”

---

There’s no need to hack our way through the dense undergrowth. A straight path through the trees has already been conveniently cleared—perhaps by Villain’s army of henchmen. If so, there’s no other sign of them here.

I’m not in the mood for the princess’s frosty mood, so I march ahead, putting a few dozen paces between us. A thick carpet of dead leaves lines the path. Fungi protrudes from trees that hunch like old crones halfway to the grave. The air is thick with decay, and if I breathe too deeply, I’m tempted to gag.

A few conversation-less hours into the hike, El’liaenwil quickens her pace to catch up to me.

“What do you want?” I mutter.

She glares at me. “What is your problem?”

“My problem? You’re the one who turned into an ice queen for no reason.”

“No reason? I only—”

“Are we going to start every sentence with a question?” I snap.

“You—” She breaks off with a huff. “Maybe if you were paying more attention, you’d realize just what my father gave you, and what you’ve done with it; and we wouldn’t have to make each other’s lives harder by inventing this relational conflict and distracting ourselves from the real goal: stopping Villain before the world’s imbalance causes the end of all things.”

I pull up short and stare, her words stinging like a slap in the face. I’m not even sure what to address first. Not paying attention? Her father—relational conflict—the end of all things? Why couldn’t girls argue about one thing at a time?

“Hero! Princess!” Mentor shouts from a hundred yards behind us down the path. “Incoming!”

I whirl around.

That’s when a great scuttle of many, many legs crashes through the undergrowth…

And a dozen enormous black spiders drop from the trees.

Of course it’s spiders. What else would be lurking in a murky wood such as this?

They turn their myriad glittering eyes to us and spring.

El draws her sword and lops off a leg before I can even raise my hands. I send the closest spider bowling backward with a blast of magic.

The path is a roiling mass of legs and bulbous bodies. On the other side of the throng of spiders, I hear Mentor yelling his trademark “GHAOWOUSHAL!” followed by a flash of white light.

But the more spiders we kill, the more come pouring out from the trees. If I wasn’t scared of arachnids before, they’ll surely haunt my nightmares now.

Mentor shouts again, this time in pain. “Heeeeelp!”

I let out a battle cry and, with a massive burst of magic, clear a path to Mentor’s side. His staff is broken in two on the ground, and the largest spider yet stands over him, already beginning to bind his legs with webbing.

My next attack explodes the creature into a hundred bits of spider guts. (Gross.)

“Thank you, Hero,” Mentor gasps as I help him to his feet. His loose sleeve rides up, exposing bright red bite marks on his arm. Already, dark lines have begun trailing up his skin.

“Poison?” I ask.

He nods.

I reach for my necklace. “I can use the Elf King’s ward-gem to cure—”

A sharp whistle pierces the air, and all the remaining spiders scurry away in unison. Up the path, El’liaenwil looks around in confusion, her sword lowering.

And that’s when a squadron of Villain’s dark soldiers come marching out of the trees to close in on either side.

“Oh great,” I mutter. “Did that whistling mean they can control the spiders?”

“It would seem so.” Mentor looks pale and shaky, lost without his staff.

“Halt!” the leader shouts. Which is pretty redundant, if you ask me, since none of us are moving. “You are under arrest.”

“For what?” El’liaenwil snaps. “Killing Villain’s pet spiders? Consider us your much-needed pest control.”

“You have trespassed on Villain’s land and seek to undermine his plans,” the leader continues, still yelling at top volume. I have a sudden flashback to the Dwarf King hollering at us earlier today, but this man in black armor is no match for the might of dwarven lungs.

I’m too angry to be scared. Angry that Mentor is hurt and that El’liaenwil hasn’t explained herself and that I’m doing a poor job of this hero business. “We won’t go willingly,” I shout back.

I raise my hands, magic at the ready, but someone grabs me roughly from behind and snaps metal cuffs around each wrist. My magic vanishes, leaving my palms feeling empty. “What have you done?” I spin and throw a punch, but the soldier catches my swing easily and twists my arms behind my back.

Other soldiers grab Mentor and El’liaenwil (who relinquishes her sword with much screeching and kicking).

“You’ve been easy to track, Hero,” the leader bellows, faceless behind his helmet. “You keep using your magic, drawing us to you like bees to a flower.”

I don’t bother telling him that bees and flowers don’t make for very threatening henchman language.

“Now you’ll be saying goodbye to your little friends.” He waves a hand, and the soldiers gripping Mentor and the princess break away to march them down the path. “Not to worry. Villain has a deep, dark dungeon cell prepared for both of them.”

“Hero!” El’liaenwil screams. “Save us!”

I stand helpless, watching them get dragged away. Suddenly the disagreement between me and the princess seems trivial. And Mentor—how long will he last with poison running through his bloodstream?

“What about me?” I barely manage to whisper. “Does he have a cell for me too?”

The leader laughs, a loud, echoic sound behind his helmet. “You? He’d rather leave you here in Night Forest to rot. That is, if the spiders don’t get to you first.” He motions at the soldier holding me, and the man pushes me against a tree and binds me to the trunk with rope.

The leader spreads his arms in a wide gesture. “Left alone… in the dark… with nothing but doubts and fears and hungry arachnids to keep you company… There’s very little chance you’ll survive. And if you do, by some ridiculous twist of fate, manage to escape and try to rescue your friends, then rest assured Villain looks forward to picking the flesh from your bones.”

At that, the other soldiers break out in obedient henchmen laughter.

“Hey boss,” says the one who tied me up. He points to the ward-gem dangling from my neck. “Villain wants a sign that you’ve done as he asked, remember? What about taking that shiny rock as proof?”

The leader swivels and stares at my necklace. “You fool! That’s no ordinary rock, that’s one of the keys!”

My blood runs cold. (I never knew blood temperature could change so rapidly—or at all, really—but it seems to be the appropriate reaction to the plot twist he just revealed.) All this time… I was carrying one of the keys with me? Was that why El’liaenwil was angry with me? Because I didn’t realize the gravity of what I held?

“Y-you’re mistaken,” I blurted. “This is just a—um, a betrothal stone. Yes! I’m betrothen—betroothed—uh, that is, engaged to the princess. That’s all. This isn’t a key; how stupid do you think I’d be to go running amok with it?”

The soldiers exchange a look.

“The Elf King would never entrust me with something so important with telling me.” I force a chuckle. “I mean… right?”

The leader yanks the ward-gem off my neck with a snap of its thin chain. “You’re a terrible liar.” He tucks the gem under his breastplate and looks as if he’s about to walk away, but then he steps toe to toe with me. His helmet is inches from my face. “Before we go, one final word for you to chew on, Hero.”

I swallow. My blood is definitely freezing now, and my knees are knocking together. There’s a sinking feeling in my stomach that he’s about to reveal another devastating twist.

“Those eyes…” He lifts my chin with his gloved finger. “That nose… Your features certainly do favor your uncle’s. If you ever get out of here, Hero, Villain will be quite eager to slay his last remaining family member with his own two hands.” He wrenches my chin, banging my head into the trunk. “You.”

With that, all the remaining soldiers troop away down the path, their evil laughter echoing in the trees.

I sag against my ropes. Villain is my uncle?

His backstory comes rushing back to me, a story told in Mentor’s voice. A story of two princes living in Distant Land and the rift that grew between them. A story of murder, for the younger prince gained strength in dark magic and used it to seize the throne, killing not only the king, but his brother and sister-in-law.

My parents.

Tears spring to my eyes. I’ve lived my sixteen years as an orphan because of him? The “uncle” I lived with in Quaint Village must not be my kin after all, only a kind shepherd who took me in.

Grief swallows me whole as twilight encroaches on Night Forest, deepening the shadows between the trees. I’m all alone. An orphan with no family left in the world but an evil, murderous king. My friends are gone. My ward-gem—one of the three keys I’m meant to restore—has been snatched away. I’m stuck here, magic-less. Some hero I am.

Tears slide down my face. This is the Dark Night of the Soul that Mentor warned me about.

An all-too familiar scuttling sound rattles through the underbrush. I hold my breath. The spiders—they must be coming back to finish me off. I’ll never return the keys to their rightful place and save the world from Villain. I’ll never tell El’liaenwil how I really feel about her, never thank Mentor for teaching me.

I won’t even live long enough to see the next sunrise.

Spiders creep out into the open and surround me, their multitudes of eyes gleaming in the twilight. I tug at my ropes and rattle my cuffs to no avail. Hero or not, I’m not ready to die!

One particularly large spider lowers itself on a web from above and reaches for me with its legs.

I squirm, but the ropes hold fast. “No, please! Don’t eat me!”

The spider hisses, its legs poking me as if feeling for tender meat. “Hhhh….p uhhh…sssssss.”

“Don’t eat me don’t eat me don’t—” I freeze. “Wait, did you speak?”

“Hhhhheeeeeelp ussssssss.” The spider’s eyes fasten me with a look of desperation. It’s then I notice a green gemstone embedded in its body. My magic is gone, but this gem fairly reeks with a magic of its own.

Suddenly I understand. But it’s no use. “I can’t help you. I’m useless with these cuffs on. They block my power.”

The spider bobs on its string of web and peers at me from side to side. “Choooo…seeeen ooooonnnne. Heeeeeerooooo.“

I shake my head. “No, I’m not a hero. Look at me! I’m nothing! Slap some metal around my wrists and I’m useless.” I slump against the tree, defeated. “What good is my magic anyway? All it does is draw evil forces to me.”

“Nooooo,” the spider hisses. Its fellow arachnids crowd around my tree, and I can’t tell if they’re hungry or eager for the help I can’t give them. “Prooooopheeeccccyyyy.“

A glimmer of hope stirs in my chest. He’s right. The prophecy says I have a job to do. I don’t know who originally gave the prophecy, but I do know that it defines a hero’s life. It defines my purpose.

I am a hero.

An idea snaps into my head like a crack of thunder. “Spider! I know how to help you, but first, I need you to get these cuffs off me. Use your poison, but don’t let it touch me, all right?”

At first the spider’s eyes blink at me, not understanding. Then it moves closer, practically wrapping me in an eight-legged hug (gross again) as it bites down on my cuffs. Something sizzles, and the metal falls away in pieces. The spider drops to the forest floor. “Theeeeere.”

It worries me that the same poison that melted through those cuffs is also flowing through Mentor’s veins, but I push the thought away and instead go to work on the ropes tying me to the tree. The minute I stand free, I turn to the spider. “Your turn.”

I reach for the green gem embedded in its abdomen. My newfound magic flows through my hands as I pull the stone out and seal the wound it left behind. (Who knew my magic could do that? I’m finding new abilities everyday, right when I need them.)

But the minute the spider is healed, it shrinks down to the size of my thumb. So do the rest of the spiders. The leader scurries up my leg to perch on my shoulder. I can hear a faint hissing, but no words. “What’s that?” I say. “You’re too quiet.”

The spider runs up my neck with a tickle of legs and hisses into my ear. “Nooooow weeeee arrrrre freeeeeee. Taaaaaake thissssss keeeeeey… and deeeefeeeeaaat ooouuurrr ooooolllld maaaaassssterrrrrrr.”

I stare at the green gemstone in my hand. This is the third key! “But what am I supposed to do with it? Where’s its rightful place?”

“Yoooouuuu willlll seeeeeee.” And with that, the spider leaps down and leads its friends out of sight into the undergrowth.

I straighten my shoulders and cast my gaze down the forest path. It leads deeper into Night Forest, deeper into Distant Land. Closer to Villain. Closer to my friends. Mentor’s final admonition before we entered this place was to keep moving forward.

So that’s what I’ll do.

Because I am Hero.