In a wooded glen stands a stage, festooned by banners bearing all manner of strange and unreadable markings. A crowd waits—some standing, others sitting on an eclectic mix of wobbly stools, padded armchairs, oaken thrones, tasseled pillows, and uncomfortable boulders. Whoever set up for this ceremony had odd taste, to be sure.
I step onto stage, clutching an envelope in one hand, and clear my throat. “Welcome, one and all, to the presentation of the Strangest Character Silmaril. This shiny gem is going to be awarded to the person whom you voted as the weirdest—”
There is a loud cough from somewhere behind the curtain.
“Ahem, most eccentric character of fantasy fiction,” I finish. “So without further ado, allow me to call our illustriously ‘strange and eccentric’ host on stage!”
A short fellow in a blue jacket and bright yellow boots bounds up to join me, and takes the envelope with a flourish. His eyes twinkle over a bristling brown beard.
“Hey dol! merry dol! coming through the willows!
Ring a dong! hop along! sitting on your pillows!
Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!”
I grin. “Yes indeed, it’s good ol’ Tom here to present the 2019 Strangest Character Silmaril! He’s quite possibly the strangest fellow of Lord of the Rings, nonsensical and mysterious in turn. Give it up for Mr. Bombadillo!” As I move off to the side, the crowd claps and cheers.
Tom tips his hat to them with a merry wriggle of his eyebrows.
“Here we are, all of us, a Silmaril awaiting,
Characters from near and far, all anticipating
One to be the strangest bird, oddest folk among us
Ready all your clapping hands, for them to make a fuss!”
Tom pauses his singing long enough to open the envelope and draw out a thick piece of parchment. His eyebrows jump even higher, and he begins to laugh.
“Hey! Come merry dol! derry dol! My darling!
Fifth place goes to a character most charming
Opener of doors, time slipper-under
Laura the Doorkeeper, aging-ageless wonder!”
A young child with knowing, blue-gray eyes walks out. A sparkly purple “17” floats over her head before poofing out of existence.
“That’s the number of votes she received,” I call. “A few of our more magical nominees set up a vote-counting spell for this before they left my house last week.”
Laura bows to a round of applause before moving to the right side of the stage.
Tom consults his parchment again.
“Alas, alack, my merry friends! None of us are certain
Of whom has placed in fourth position; ’tis him behind the curtain.
A dog of sorts, a hairy boy, a hungry loyal friend…
It’s Gurgi, yes! A faithful spy upon whom you can depend.”
A small-ish creature covered in hair or fur of some kind shuffles out onto stage. The crowd claps warmly as a purple “25” poofs over his head.
“Gurgi is amazed, sir,” he says. “All this winning and grinning is too much! Fourth place for Gurgi? Poor Gurgi never thought four hundredth place would be his. Such clappings and flappings!” With a shy smile, he sidles over to stand next to Laura.
“Third place goes to a sprightly man, a fellow most archaic:
A mentor, wizard, and a tree, he’s not an ounce prosaic.
Though rodents, bugs, and other things may scurry from his sleeves
This middle honor, I must say, old Fenworth has achieved!“
Something moves behind the curtain. “Tut tut, oh dear!” A very tree-like being staggers onto stage, becoming more and more human with every step. His craggy face’s long nose looks less like a knob of wood, and leaves flutter down from his hat. There is another round of clapping, this time punctuated by a few whistles. A “29” explodes over the wizard’s head in a shower of purple dust.
“I fear I fell asleep back there, my good fellow,” Fenworth says, clapping Tom on the shoulder. “Pardon my unsightly rudeness.” A mouse drops from one of his sleeves and darts toward me.
With a muffled squeak, I skitter out of the way. Fenworth, oblivious, marches to join the other two runners-up.
Tom consults his parchment and bounces on his toes.
“Here comes second place, a fellow disconcerting.
Above the laws of little boys, these morals he’s subverting.
For who but he would make such rings to send the children yonder?
‘Tis Uncle Andrew Ketterley—you shouldn’t have to ponder!”
A lanky man with an unruly shock of grey-ish hair steps out. “Yes, well, you mustn’t put it that way, my strange fellow.” He smooths his jacket and glares crossly at a purple number “50” drizzling sparkles on his head. “I’m a magician, you see, doing very important work. I subscribe to a rather… higher law, but I don’t expect you to understand—”
“Talkings and balkings,” Gurgi cuts in. “Master Andrew does speak too much.”
“Tut tut,” Wizard Fenworth mutters.
Uncle Andrew steps gingerly to the wizard’s side and gives him a disdainful look. “Now if those infernal animals had mistaken you for a tree, no one would be surprised.”
“Gentlemen!” I say from my side of the stage. “Be polite! Tom still needs to announce the winner!”
“That’s what you get for nominating so many strange old men,” Laura tells the crowd. “And… creatures.” She glances at Gurgi.
Tom launches into another verse of song with gusto.
“Hey dol! Make no mistake, our winner is an odd one.
Bewildering and brilliant, she will not be outdone,
Not even by our Uncle here. She say’s what’s on her mind;
Forthright though she be, she’s handy in a bind.
And though she might believe in things that don’t exist—
Or do they?—well, I think you’ve caught the gist…
The one I mean, the one who wins, is a rather dreamy girl.
Yes, it’s Luna Lovegood who wins the Silmaril!”
The crowd erupts in whoops and hollers and cheers as a young girl with waist-length blonde hair, quirky glasses, and oddly matched clothing steps out from behind the curtain. She wears earrings that look rather like plums, and her wand is tucked behind one ear. A massive number “51” bursts over her in a shower of purple glitter.
“Fifty-one votes!” Uncle Andrew splutters. “I’ve been beaten by a child! Who cast the fifty-first vote? Most likely my blasted nephew. I should like to have a word with him…”
Wizard Fenworth says nothing, as he is by now quite tree-like and faintly snoring. Gurgi and Laura, however, both send Luna wide grins.
Tom Bombadil reaches inside his blue jacket and pulls out a gleaming purple jewel set into a golden medallion with a matching purple ribbon. Chortling to himself, he loops the ribbon over Luna’s head.
“Any words from the latest soul to win this fearsome jewel?
Speak your mind and never fear that you’ll be called a fool.”
Luna turns to the crowd and smiles softly, a faraway look in her eyes. She cocks her head. “Only this: wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure.”
The crowd cheers again, louder and longer, and all at once there is a cacophony of noise behind the stage. Fireworks, a sizzling lightning bolt of Night Fury flame, a gunshot, a ululating cry of victory, and who knows what else explode behind the curtain.
“The nominees all came back!” I yelp, and dash away to apprehend the several dozen strange folks celebrating out of sight, but certainly not out of sound.
Tom laughs.
“Hey! Come merry dol! derry dol! My companions!
Thank you all for coming here to laud our latest champion!
The party’s done but don’t forget to visit the next meeting
Where we’ll discover the least competent henchman to ever take a beating!”
And so the day’s celebration comes to a wonderful close, with as many strange folks (and even stranger conversations) as it began. Posted next to the stage is Tom’s parchment, which reads:
- Luna Lovegood – 29.7% (51 votes)
- Uncle Andrew – 29.1% (50 votes)
- Wizard Fenworth 16.9% (29 votes)
- Gurgi 14.5% (25 votes)
- Laura the Doorkeeper 9.9% (17 votes)
One by one, the crowd dwindles as party-goers head home for a good night’s sleep. Twilight sweeps over the glen, and a soft breeze flutters the unreadable party banners. Soon the sun will rise on a new celebration—one which promises much bumbling and bantering as the year’s most incompetent henchman is recognized for his or her “disappointing” performance.
Be sure to arrive at Christine’s blog HERE tomorrow morning!
Travel back in time if you missed any of the other awards ceremonies this week:
And here are your stops for next week, Monday to Friday!
- Least Competent Henchman (September 23rd)
- Most Nefarious Villain (September 24th)
- Silver Tongue (September 25th)
- Most Faithful Friend (September 26th)
- Most Epic Hero (September 27th)
HUZZAH FOR LUNA!!!!
Pretty sure she’s the one I voted for in this category! I can’t think of a more deserving character. I love Luna sooooo much. She’s quite possibly my favorite HP character, and I love them all, so that’s saying rather a lot.
This was such an awesome ceremony! You all with your Tom Bombadill rhymes!!! I am just blown away by the creativity and rhyming ability!!! (And growing more and more intimidated by this particular category!)
Well done!
Huzzah!!! Glad the character you voted for ended up winning! I am so looking forward to meeting her in the series soon. (I last finished Goblet of Fire, so I *think* she’s in the next book?)
Awww, thank you!!!! ^___^ I referred heavily to a certain chapter in Fellowship of the Ring to make sure I stuck to Tom’s usual meter. XD (And I was thoroughly intimidated by all the hosts of this category that have gone before me too, until I sat down to write and the words started coming. You would do splendidly.)
TRACEY.
THIS WAS BRILLIANCE.
Oh my goodness, you captured Tom so, so perfectly!!! I am just in AWE! I don’t know if I’d ever be able to do this Silmaril. I faaaail at rhyming and riddles and things. Lol. I’m sitting here stunned at your amazing-ness!
Every bit of this was such fun! I looooved the idea of magically having the number of votes appear over each person’s heads. Genius!
AND YAY FOR LUNA!!!! Teeechnically I voted for Fenworth because, ya know, FENWORTH. But I was having the hardest time deciding between him and Luna. Luna is like my FAVORITE HP character. So I am very happy!!! She is certainly deserving of the prize. XD
I find it insane she won just from one vote extra. This was a close race. o.o Maybe next year, Uncle Andrew. 😛
Okay but seriously I JUST LOVED ALL OF THIS!!! *all the confetti and applause*
CHRISTINE, THANK YOU SO MUCH! 😀
It’s been… *cough* a few years since I read LOTR, so I had to go back to Tom’s chapter and remind myself of his characteristics and speech mannerisms. Glad it came across well, haha! <3
I voted for Fenworth myself. He's just a dear old favorite of mine, and has inspired at least one of my characters! <3 I'm happy for Luna, though, and excited to meet her in the series soon! She certainly does seem like a strange one…
So close, Uncle Andrew! XD
Thank yooouuu!!! *hugs*
My goodness! You captured all their speaking styles perfectly! Great work, Tracy!
Congratulations to Luna! She certainly deserves it.
Thank you so much, Julia! I’m glad to hear it, especially since I haven’t officially “met” a few of these characters in their respective books. 😛
*throws confetti for Luna*
This was fantastic, Tracey!!! XD And YAY FOR LUNA!! I really need to hop on the HP train…Shamefully, I’ve never read the books… -_-
Thanks, Maddie! OH MY GOODNESS. YES YOU DO. But there’s no shame. I didn’t start reading them until about a year ago, and know quite a few people (some Silmaril Awards hosts included) who started HP later too. 🙂
I am really impressed with how well you captured the finalists. Not as impressed with the results themselves . . . but you can’t win everything. Literally. (That said, I don’t think I’ve gotten to Luna in the books yet, so maybe I’ll feel differently later on.)
Sarah, who did you vote for? I voted for Gurgi myself. He didn’t win of course, but at least he made the finals.
Fenworth. He’s a bit of an auto-vote for me. XD I always struggle with this category, though, because half the time, either the characters aren’t strange enough for me to feel they qualify or else, if they are strange enough, I don’t like them enough to want to vote for them. Fenworth, however, is both quite strange and a favorite of mine, so yeah.
@Sarah: Oh goodness, thank you so much! I’m sorry your vote didn’t win (I was rooting for Fenworth too!), but hey… there’s always next year. 😉
@DJ: I need to read the Prydain Chronicles one of these days…
@Tracey: You’re welcome! Thank you for writing this excellent post for us to enjoy! And yeah, I know. I’ve been relatively happy with all the other results this year, though, so there’s that. (Especially today’s!)
@Sarah: Of course! <3 So glad you've been enjoying the other winners this year. Ya win some, ya lose some, I suppose.
(Also if this comment shows up in a weird place, it's because my site seems to have a limit on how long a thread of comments can be...)
This was perfect, Tracey. Tom’s rhymes were sublime and oh so merry-o, so heigh-ho the dairy-o! I think we could all use a little more Tom in our lives.
I love Uncle Andrew’s reaction to being beat out by one vote. Of course he would suspect Digory!
Just lovely all around!
Thanks muchly, DJ! I love Tom and wish they’d kept him in the movies. 😛 But it was fun to revisit that portion of the book as I wrote this post.
Ha, poor Uncle Andrew! I don’t think Digory–or any other characters–are allowed to cast votes… but Andrew doesn’t know that. XD
So glad you enjoyed it!
This was brilliantly written, Tracey! I loved it! Makes me want to read a whole book from you. (Write faster. No pressure. :D)
Oh gracious, thank you! 😀 (I’m writing, I’m writing! Or… editing, actually. *glares draft 6 into subordination*)
This was epic! I loved the rhymes, added artwork, and everything, Tracey! Wonderful work!
and Yay for Luna! 🙂
Thanks so much!!! I’m happy you enjoyed it! *tosses confetti for Luna* 😀
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