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Tag: faith

A Walk, a Brainstorm, and a Discovery

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I mentioned in passing that I’m currently redrafting The Prophet’s Key (sequel to The Prophet’s Quest). What I didn’t say is that this novel is being a petulant little child.

I’m over twenty thousand words in, and something doesn’t feel right. That’s one of the worst feelings as a writer–that uneasy sense that something is wrong. It’s when your spidey sense, which grows more and more accurate the more you write, tells you that something isn’t working, and then you need to figure out what that something is so you can fix it ASAP.

This dull alarm is even worse when it comes for a story that’s very near and dear to your heart. Journeys of the Chosen is a big project for me. It’s important. I’ve invested a lot into it. So I want to be ‘in the zone,’ as it were. I want to be head over heels in love with this book I’m writing. That’s what drafting is for! (And then I’ll fall out of love during editing, only to fall back in again. It’s how the cycle goes.)

So on Sunday, after lazing around and devouring half a novel (I can’t remember the last time I read so much in one sitting–it was glorious, folks), I decided to take a walk to stir up my creative juices so I could make use of some writing time. And, let’s be honest, I was falling asleep on the couch, so some physical exercise was a good idea.

Walking is a great time to contemplate things, specifically writing things. Marching along, hands stuffed in my sweater pockets and hair tossing in a brisk wind, I stewed. What’s the problem? I asked myself. Why haven’t I clicked with TPK yet? I ordered my wandering thoughts into a list.

  • Is it drafting doldrums? Drafting can be massively fun–in fact, it often is for me–but I know I usually go through bouts of wishing everything was already on paper so I could just fix and fiddle. So am I struggling to manufacture new words?
  • Is it prolonged editoritis? When I transition between editing obsessively (*cough* The Brightest Thread *cough*) and creating something new, it usually takes a bit for my left brain to settle down and shut up enough for my right brain to freely and messily explore things. But if I’m 20k in, I shouldn’t still be feeling like this.
  • Is it because chunks of my plot are shaky and not yet researched? There’s some stuff I haven’t mapped out yet, and some of it is potentially tricky. Writing oneself into a plot wormhole is never a pleasant feeling.
  • Or . . . is it something else entirely? Maybe I haven’t yet connected to the heart of the story. Maybe I haven’t hit upon the reason I’m rooting for these characters and this book. Am I in love with the book yet? And if not . . . why?

In Ted Dekker’s writing course that I’m slowly going through, The Creative Way, he teaches that in order to write powerful, transformational fiction, you need to take that journey of transformation yourself, along with your characters.

So I asked myself, “What’s my journey with this story? Where do my struggles and my characters’ struggles intersect?”

I know that once I figure that out, I’ll truly, deeply care about TPK.

As I walked, I turned that over in my mind. And I came up with some good stuff that resonates with me. One intersection of author/character struggles I thought about was that of homesickness. The paradoxical kind you can get even when you’re under your own roof. The longing for times past–good times, safe times–coupled with the bittersweet resignation towards an uncertain future. I’ve experienced that, and it’s something my characters are going through in an even worse way. So in their journey through that homesickness, I need to take my own journey. Work through my own struggles.

I thought, “Let’s delve into that, Tracey. Make it poignant and palpable on the page. Grip the readers with that aching, that yearning. Make Aileen and Josiah hurt in their individual ways, so much that I feel the pain and the readers feel the pain.”

Oh.

Pain.

One criticism book 1 received from my editor was that I raised good challenges, only to let them fall away without much effort. I see myself doing the same thing now with book 2. Am I afraid of the pain?

I so badly want my protagonists to succeed because I so badly want to succeed in life. So is this too-easy conflict resolution my way of trying to make my own problems fall away with little effort? I’m scared of those dark moments when I have nothing but blind trust to lean on, and so I avoid putting my characters into those moments. Or rather, I put them there, but I don’t let them stay for long.

It comes down to trust. I have trouble trusting that God will come through in my valleys. But I need to live bravely. And like my dear friend Christine recently said, we need to write bravely too.

This, then, is my journey. A journey of trust, of faith in the blackest darkness and of clinging to hope when all other handholds are washed away.

I must make my characters suffer. Chip away at their resolve bit by bit until they fall into a deep valley from which they see no way out.

Pain.


Heartache.


Doubt.


Make their lives a living hell, so to speak (progressively worse in each book as I raise the stakes and whatnot), in order to discover alongside them how to trust the King and believe He’s still there and still in the business of rescuing lost hearts. This is my journey just as much as it is theirs. When my own heart recognizes the ‘valley of the shadow of death’ for just that–shadows–and trusts in the light, that transformation will be apparent in the story too. What I bleed onto the page will transform the characters. In turn, it will transform the readers.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a book to write.

What Are You Afraid Of?

What are you afraid of?

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I don’t mean heights or small spaces or spiders or the dark or creepy clowns or waking up to find the world is purple and your dog is actually a sentient alien spying on you.

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What are you truly afraid of? What are your deepest fears? Maybe you don’t even realize it, but you’re terrified of rejection, of not being loved. Maybe you’re scared of following the same sad patterns as your father or mother. Perhaps the thought of failure chills you to the bone. Or you might be scared of never having enough, never being enough.

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We all have fears like that. I do.
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Many of us can relate to a fear of failure. Do you ever find that the more you struggle with that fear, the more you fail? And the more you fail, the more your mistakes reinforce those fears? You look to your next endeavor, and a voice inside whispers, “You really think you’ll make it? Look what happened last time. Set your goals a little lower. That way you won’t be so disappointed when you fall short—again.”

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Or say you’re afraid of loneliness, of having no friends. That fear consumes you until you wonder if maybe you’re unlovable—who would want to be with someone like you? And the more you think it, the more you see it’s true. You have no real friends. You were right all along. And the fear-monster tightens its grip.

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In anything, really—not just fears—don’t you find that the more you think something, the more you see it? And the more you see it, the more it reinforces those thoughts? And as those thoughts grow stronger, you see even more evidence of them in your life? It’s an endless cycle, but it doesn’t have to be a bad one.

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Because faith works indiscriminately in the positive and the negative.

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We can all agree that Job had it pretty rough, yes? His livestock and servants, his material wealth—gone, poof. His children—dead under the rubble of a destroyed house. He didn’t have anything left.
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Now, I know that Satan shuffled up to God and obtained his permission to test Job (and I have far more questions about that than I have answers), but it seems that Job himself played a part in bringing about his own downfall.

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“What I always feared has happened to me,” he said. “What I dreaded has come true.” (Job 3:25, NLT) What was he afraid of? The first chapter of Job tells us he daily made sacrifices to atone for his children, thinking that perhaps they’d sinned and cursed God in their hearts.

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He was afraid of punishment. He was afraid of destruction.

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And that is exactly what swept through his life.

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What we believe—really, truly, deep down believe—we attract into our lives. A person who thinks of himself as a loser attracts a loser kind of life. He finds himself gravitating toward other losers, gets a second-rate job, and sees everything through a defeated mindset. A person who thinks of himself as a winner attracts an amazing life. He starts spending time with great people who are growing and successful and encouraging. He finds doors opening, and those that don’t open, he kicks down because he knows he can. He sees life through the eyes of a winner.

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The more the loser looks around at his lackluster world, and the more he listens to his crab-bucket-mentality friends, the more he sees that, “Yep, this is just how life is. This is who I am, and I shouldn’t expect anything better.” The more he thinks that, the more his world will conform to be that.

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The more the winner looks around at his marvelous world, and the more his positive crowd rubs off on him, the more he sees opportunity hidden in the obstacles. He realizes that life is beautiful, that he can, and that he’s meant for great things. The more those thoughts cement themselves in his heart, the more his world will conform to back them up.

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Both people may have the exact same opportunity placed before them, but the former person will look at it and think, “Oh, that’s too much. I could never do that/be that/deal with that stress. I’m just not the person for that.” And he rejects the opportunity. The latter individual will nod and say, “Wow—that’s so much more than what I’m used to, but I can do it. I can grow and develop and go to the next level in life.” He’ll walk through that door and thrive.

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“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7a, NKJV)

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What are you afraid of? What do you think of yourself? (Those two questions are more closely related than you might think.) Those fears need to be dealt with, or else they hold the potential to kill you. Maybe not physically, but fear can draw into your life the very things you’re afraid of. Those things will destroy relationships, your thought life, and anything else they touch. Go to your Creator, lay those crippling chains at His feet, and discover His perfect love. It casts out all fear.
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Afraid of rejection? God promises He’ll never leave you or forsake you. Afraid of repeating the mistakes of your parents? God says you are a new creation—the old has passed away and the new has come. Afraid of failing? God declares that you’re spotless before Him, and it has nothing to do with your successes or failures.

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This love, this perfect, radiant, relentless love, drives out fear.

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Knowing how loved you are gives rise to hope.

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Hope of good things to come gives rise to faith.

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And faith, the full confidence that what you hope for is here, now, whether or not you see it just yet . . . will draw in the physical evidence of that faith like iron to a magnet.

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Fear and faith—both ask you to believe in what you cannot see.

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Which will you listen to?