Hey, all! Subplots and Storylines will be a bit late this month, but I aim to have it ready for next Saturday (November 5th). In the meantime, I’m participating in Jenelle Schmidt’s Spooky Stories link-up.
I really don’t know where this short story came from. It’s strange. And obviously creepy. So yeah. Here you go. (My apologies for posting a day late once again!)
The Cage
I always knew something was wrong with my
basement.
basement.
Maybe it was the smell of sickly sweet
rot that first clued me in.
rot that first clued me in.
Maybe it was the darkness that clung to
the corners and hung from the low-slung ceiling like the swooped top of a gypsy
tent.
the corners and hung from the low-slung ceiling like the swooped top of a gypsy
tent.
Or maybe it was the iron bars forming a bizarre,
door-less cage in the middle of the room.
door-less cage in the middle of the room.
Nevertheless, I didn’t think much about
it. I left it alone, content to confine my evenings of chemistry homework, root
beer, and softly droning radio news to the main floor. The basement, though
strange, was merely a quirk of this old place. Other people’s houses creaked in
the night. Mine smelled funny and seemed stuck in a horror novel. No big deal.
it. I left it alone, content to confine my evenings of chemistry homework, root
beer, and softly droning radio news to the main floor. The basement, though
strange, was merely a quirk of this old place. Other people’s houses creaked in
the night. Mine smelled funny and seemed stuck in a horror novel. No big deal.
Or so I told myself.
It was a damp October night. I was nested
in swaths of afghan in the corner of the couch, surrounded by sheets of
unbalanced chemistry equations, when the radio clicked off by itself. In the
sudden silence, a humming started. I glanced up. The single lamp behind me
flickered, disturbing the pool of yellowish light for a moment. Nothing else
stirred in my living room. I swallowed hard to pop my ears, the way I fix the
pressure changes when driving in the mountains outside of town. But the soft
hum continued, an undulating wisp of sound.
in swaths of afghan in the corner of the couch, surrounded by sheets of
unbalanced chemistry equations, when the radio clicked off by itself. In the
sudden silence, a humming started. I glanced up. The single lamp behind me
flickered, disturbing the pool of yellowish light for a moment. Nothing else
stirred in my living room. I swallowed hard to pop my ears, the way I fix the
pressure changes when driving in the mountains outside of town. But the soft
hum continued, an undulating wisp of sound.
I sat very still for a few minutes and
watched beads of condensation roll down the root beer can at my elbow. I couldn’t
pin the gender of the humming voice. At times it sounded like a low female
croon, but then it seemed more like a male tenor. There were no words. Just a
rising, falling string of vowels. The more I listened, the less it sounded
human. An ethereal echo wrapped the voice as it filtered through thin walls.
watched beads of condensation roll down the root beer can at my elbow. I couldn’t
pin the gender of the humming voice. At times it sounded like a low female
croon, but then it seemed more like a male tenor. There were no words. Just a
rising, falling string of vowels. The more I listened, the less it sounded
human. An ethereal echo wrapped the voice as it filtered through thin walls.
My arms prickled with goosebumps.
I hear people get nervous being at home
alone in the dark—not that I have any friends to confirm it. But I like the
solitariness and the darkness. It’s better than Dad tearing through the kitchen
cupboards in search of food to settle his stomach swirling with alcohol. Better
than screams berating his disappointment of a son. When he’s gone, it’s
just me. And that’s just fine.
alone in the dark—not that I have any friends to confirm it. But I like the
solitariness and the darkness. It’s better than Dad tearing through the kitchen
cupboards in search of food to settle his stomach swirling with alcohol. Better
than screams berating his disappointment of a son. When he’s gone, it’s
just me. And that’s just fine.
So when the humming began on that lonely
October night, I wasn’t immediately frightened. But I should have been.
October night, I wasn’t immediately frightened. But I should have been.
I don’t know when I left my nest of
blankets, but all of a sudden I was standing in the dimness beyond the
lamplight, at the doorway leading to the kitchen. A cool breeze brushed my
face.
blankets, but all of a sudden I was standing in the dimness beyond the
lamplight, at the doorway leading to the kitchen. A cool breeze brushed my
face.
A breeze indoors?
The echoes expanded. They filled my ears,
my head, my bones. The edges of my vision softened. My knotted shoulders
relaxed. I found myself smiling—then wiped it away with a frown the minute I realized
what I was doing. What was the matter with me?
my head, my bones. The edges of my vision softened. My knotted shoulders
relaxed. I found myself smiling—then wiped it away with a frown the minute I realized
what I was doing. What was the matter with me?
The humming floated up the stairs and
into the kitchen. It’s coming from the basement. So was the breeze, I
realized. Without thinking, I wandered to the top of the stairs and peered into
the deepening shadow at the bottom, where the door that should have been closed
hung wide.
into the kitchen. It’s coming from the basement. So was the breeze, I
realized. Without thinking, I wandered to the top of the stairs and peered into
the deepening shadow at the bottom, where the door that should have been closed
hung wide.
I stood on the fifth step down.
Just like that, with no recollection of
standing on the four steps before it. I was just suddenly there, the
same way I didn’t remember leaving the couch. Heart thumping behind my ribs, I
turned and leaped to the top of the stairwell again. A sick sense of something
horribly, dreadfully wrong crawled down my spine and settled in my gut.
standing on the four steps before it. I was just suddenly there, the
same way I didn’t remember leaving the couch. Heart thumping behind my ribs, I
turned and leaped to the top of the stairwell again. A sick sense of something
horribly, dreadfully wrong crawled down my spine and settled in my gut.
But the strange voice swirled anew,
louder and fuller. Its echoes overlapped each other, a layered miasma of sound.
The sick feeling left my stomach, and the shadows downstairs turned into
honeyed light. I smirked to myself. Don’t
be stupid, Derrek, there’s nothing to worry about. What was so strange about the voice that had always filled this house
and always wrapped me in safety? What was so strange about the way it turned
darkness into golden brilliance? Wasn’t this the lullaby that filled my dreams?
louder and fuller. Its echoes overlapped each other, a layered miasma of sound.
The sick feeling left my stomach, and the shadows downstairs turned into
honeyed light. I smirked to myself. Don’t
be stupid, Derrek, there’s nothing to worry about. What was so strange about the voice that had always filled this house
and always wrapped me in safety? What was so strange about the way it turned
darkness into golden brilliance? Wasn’t this the lullaby that filled my dreams?
I pinched
myself. The shadows blackened again, though the voice continued. Always filled
this house? Had it? My memory seemed patchy. I couldn’t recall whether I was
hearing the song for the first time or the thousandth.
myself. The shadows blackened again, though the voice continued. Always filled
this house? Had it? My memory seemed patchy. I couldn’t recall whether I was
hearing the song for the first time or the thousandth.
I blinked and
took a step down, but found myself nearly at the bottom of the stairwell. This
didn’t concern me in the slightest. Two more steps, and I stood in the open basement
doorway. Here the humming intensified, a beautiful orchestra contained in one
voice. The flowing vowels began to make sense in my head—they didn’t turn into
words so much as meanings.
took a step down, but found myself nearly at the bottom of the stairwell. This
didn’t concern me in the slightest. Two more steps, and I stood in the open basement
doorway. Here the humming intensified, a beautiful orchestra contained in one
voice. The flowing vowels began to make sense in my head—they didn’t turn into
words so much as meanings.
Come.
Come.
Come
in.
in.
And like the
voice was a current, I let it sweep me gently into the basement.
voice was a current, I let it sweep me gently into the basement.
Time abandoned
me for a brief moment, a moment in which I couldn’t tell if I’d been walking in
the basement for a split second or a year—but it mattered little because standing
before me was the iron cage in all its splendor.
me for a brief moment, a moment in which I couldn’t tell if I’d been walking in
the basement for a split second or a year—but it mattered little because standing
before me was the iron cage in all its splendor.
And splendid
it was, for gleaming vines of cast metal wound up the bars, decorated by
metallic blooms that seemed to shiver in the breeze blowing through the
basement. Silvery gold light streamed from within the cage—no, that was the
wrong word for it. Cage was confinement and closure.
This . . . this masterpiece of metal wrought by inhuman hands, this was
perfection.
it was, for gleaming vines of cast metal wound up the bars, decorated by
metallic blooms that seemed to shiver in the breeze blowing through the
basement. Silvery gold light streamed from within the cage—no, that was the
wrong word for it. Cage was confinement and closure.
This . . . this masterpiece of metal wrought by inhuman hands, this was
perfection.
This was
glory.
glory.
As if in
agreement, the song swelled.
agreement, the song swelled.
Come.
Taste the glory.
Taste the glory.
Syllables
streamed faster and faster, a crescendo of impressions: Safety,
safe here, come, enfold, be enfolded, light, protection, beauty, ease, come,
come, come.
streamed faster and faster, a crescendo of impressions: Safety,
safe here, come, enfold, be enfolded, light, protection, beauty, ease, come,
come, come.
I touched a
bar, solidly anchored from the floor to the ceiling. The metal seemed to
vibrate beneath my palm; it nearly purred with pleasure.
bar, solidly anchored from the floor to the ceiling. The metal seemed to
vibrate beneath my palm; it nearly purred with pleasure.
Dimly, I was
aware of my unawareness—the way I feel when I’m half-awake and know that I’m
wavering between a dream and reality. But this reality was so much better than
the dream, because in the dream, the basement was wrong. It was smelly and dark
and off. That was the
nightmare, the fantasy of a dreaming mind. This was reality—this magnificence
calling to me, drawing me with its never-ending song.
aware of my unawareness—the way I feel when I’m half-awake and know that I’m
wavering between a dream and reality. But this reality was so much better than
the dream, because in the dream, the basement was wrong. It was smelly and dark
and off. That was the
nightmare, the fantasy of a dreaming mind. This was reality—this magnificence
calling to me, drawing me with its never-ending song.
Come.
I don’t know
when the song merged with my own thoughts, but my own voice somehow joined the
other one. It’s okay. Everything’s going to be all right. Just quiet
down. Relax. Everything’s okay. You’re okay. Just step inside.
when the song merged with my own thoughts, but my own voice somehow joined the
other one. It’s okay. Everything’s going to be all right. Just quiet
down. Relax. Everything’s okay. You’re okay. Just step inside.
Some little
needle of unease poked the back of my mind. Why would I reassure myself when
the safe haven of iron was here before me? That made it sound like the haven
was bad. It wasn’t bad. I needed to step inside. It was good. It was glorious.
Safe.
needle of unease poked the back of my mind. Why would I reassure myself when
the safe haven of iron was here before me? That made it sound like the haven
was bad. It wasn’t bad. I needed to step inside. It was good. It was glorious.
Safe.
Come.
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
The needling
thoughts bothered me. They disrupted the euphoria. So, to shut up that tiny
voice, I smiled . . .
thoughts bothered me. They disrupted the euphoria. So, to shut up that tiny
voice, I smiled . . .
And I stepped
through the iron bars to taste the glory.
through the iron bars to taste the glory.
The bars had
always been spaced wide enough apart that I could fit between them. But the
instant I stepped through, the singing broke off. The silvery gold light
vanished, leaving me in the dusk of an underground room. It was as if the
carved vines and flowers had never been, and now rough iron poles surrounded
me, speckled with rust.
always been spaced wide enough apart that I could fit between them. But the
instant I stepped through, the singing broke off. The silvery gold light
vanished, leaving me in the dusk of an underground room. It was as if the
carved vines and flowers had never been, and now rough iron poles surrounded
me, speckled with rust.
Clanking,
creaking, the bars thickened. They swelled to twice their diameter, leaving no
room to walk through.
creaking, the bars thickened. They swelled to twice their diameter, leaving no
room to walk through.
My heart froze.
My breathing thinned.
My breathing thinned.
Then blinding
panic erupted, and I threw myself, screaming, at the grid of iron. My fists met
solid iron. My kicks couldn’t even vibrate the cage. There was no door, no
lock. No way out. I shouted for help, but there was no one in my cold, empty
house to hear me.
panic erupted, and I threw myself, screaming, at the grid of iron. My fists met
solid iron. My kicks couldn’t even vibrate the cage. There was no door, no
lock. No way out. I shouted for help, but there was no one in my cold, empty
house to hear me.
Sobbing—and hating
myself for my weakness—hearing Dad’s derogatory tone in my head—I backed into a
corner of the cage and sank to the concrete floor. The odor of rotting meat
thickened, and the already-dim room darkened further. Why had I let myself be
lured inside this prison? And more importantly, what had drawn me here?
myself for my weakness—hearing Dad’s derogatory tone in my head—I backed into a
corner of the cage and sank to the concrete floor. The odor of rotting meat
thickened, and the already-dim room darkened further. Why had I let myself be
lured inside this prison? And more importantly, what had drawn me here?
The barest
echo of the voice came drifting back. This time, it was as if I could see the
sound floating just beyond the cage. I squinted, but the more I focused, the less
I could make it out and the quieter the voice became . . . until it was silent
again. I closed my eyes and focused on listening. The voice returned in pulsing
echoes. Cracking open one eye, I heard rather than truly saw a swirl of
red vapor.
echo of the voice came drifting back. This time, it was as if I could see the
sound floating just beyond the cage. I squinted, but the more I focused, the less
I could make it out and the quieter the voice became . . . until it was silent
again. I closed my eyes and focused on listening. The voice returned in pulsing
echoes. Cracking open one eye, I heard rather than truly saw a swirl of
red vapor.
Everything’s
okay, Derrek. Surrender.
okay, Derrek. Surrender.
Knives
appeared—blades pushing through the bars, all pointing inward. One scraped my
backbone, and I dragged myself into the center of the cage. The knives
lengthened. Closing the distance. Nearing my skin. A panting whimper sounded. Is
that me?
appeared—blades pushing through the bars, all pointing inward. One scraped my
backbone, and I dragged myself into the center of the cage. The knives
lengthened. Closing the distance. Nearing my skin. A panting whimper sounded. Is
that me?
You’re
all right.
all right.
The singing
vapor grew denser and louder. It sang in triumph. I clung to my fear, and
curled into the smallest shape possible. The knifepoints hovered inches away on
all sides. I covered my mouth to smother my cries. No. No. No.
vapor grew denser and louder. It sang in triumph. I clung to my fear, and
curled into the smallest shape possible. The knifepoints hovered inches away on
all sides. I covered my mouth to smother my cries. No. No. No.
Don’t
worry, the voice sang wordlessly. It will be over in a moment.
worry, the voice sang wordlessly. It will be over in a moment.
As the vapor
surrounded the cage and continued to sing, my pulse eased. My thoughts settled.
I relished the damp concrete against my face and the comforting bars of safety
surrounding me, keeping out all that was wrong and evil.
surrounded the cage and continued to sing, my pulse eased. My thoughts settled.
I relished the damp concrete against my face and the comforting bars of safety
surrounding me, keeping out all that was wrong and evil.
It’s
okay.
okay.
The first cold
blade pricked my neck.
blade pricked my neck.
AHHH!! This is sooo creepy!! Yet so GOOD!! You did a masterful job, Tracey!
-Ariel
Mwahaha! Thank you, Ariel! *bows* XD
This. Is. So CREEPY! I love it!
I've been following your blog for a while. (I guess stalking would be a better word for it, mwahahahahaha).
You are the greatest, Tracey!
Thanks so much! My goodness, it always makes my day when a silent stalker comes out of hiding. XD Welcome!
P.S. I must ask if there's a meaning behind your name. I feel like I've heard of a book that has a "florid sword," whatever it is… The Wingfeather Saga, perhaps? I could be totally wrong.
It IS Wingfeather Saga. The Florid Sword is a character, one of the heroes, who runs across the rooftops and saves people from the villainous Fangs.
So I guessed correctly! Sounds like an epic character. I've heard so many good things about the Wingfeather Saga!
CREEPY. ALL the creepiness O.O
This was so good, Tracey! You did AH-MAZING at setting the mood – and your descriptions were spot-on! I loved it, great job! *highfive*
~ Savannah
scattered-scribblings.blogspot.com
*cackles* Thanks, Savvy! (I saw your get to know me post, and couldn't resist using one of your nicknames. XD) Glad you enjoyed it!
We need to give you a nickname too, Tracey! 😀 (unless you already have one *nods*)
I'm glad you WROTE it! AND YOU NEED TO WRITE MORE OF IT, OH YES.
~ Savannah
scattered-scribblings.blogspot.com
If you think of one, go for it! (I'm sometimes called Trace, but I'm totally good with new ones, if you think of any. XD)
OH BOY. I don't know where it would go next! But maybe one of these days…
WHAT IS THIS OH MY WORD THE GORGEOUS CREEPINESS.
O_____O
Just…just…WHOOOOOA!!!!!!!!
I will not tell you how wonderful a treat this was! Every time I get to read Tracey writing it's like getting to dive into my favorite dessert. IT'S DELICIOUS AND WONDERFUL AND I WANT TO DEVOUR IT FOREVER. And this story. O___O <— Literally me the whole time reading.
Just…AGH. YOU ARE SO TALENTED. This was amaziiing!!! All the tiny details you put in to add realism, such as the character watching beads of condensation roll down the root beer can. Brilliance! And the little hints at his life. Poor guy! No friends, an alcoholic, abusive father. D: And now a haunted house??? Derrek just needs a hug!
But…but…this was just SO. GOOD.
THAT ENDING THO. What happened???? Did he die? Did he fight it? Did his father find him and seeing his son almost die make his life turn around and they live happily ever after??? Like…MEH. THIS ENDING. You are so cruel!
…….In the best way obviously. If it isn't clear yet: I LOVED THIS STORY!!!!!!
Meep, thank you, girl! I'm always excited to read your comments on these, to tell you the truth, because you're so encouraging! <3
BUT AWK, CHRISTINE. DESSERT? YAYNESS! Yeeeeah, Derrek just sort of walked into this story with a miserable life. I feel sorry for him.
That's the thing–I DON'T KNOW HOW IT ENDS. I'm in as much suspense as anyone else, because maybe he dies, maybe he finds a way to stop it. *gasp* His father finding him and turning his life around and everyone living happily ever after? That's a good idea, and it makes me happier than the dying option! XD Buuuut who knows if that actually happens. >:)
Thanks again!!!
QOUEKJNBPOSN I NWOBV oNQAIUVN!!!!!!!!! (That is my semi-incoherent screaming) what a deliciously creepy story! I love how you crafted the middle section with such peaceful imagery and calm tones, it made me feel what the narrator was feeling, that everything was beautiful and right and good… even though I knew it was a "spooky" story and that something horrible was probably about to happen! Masterfully done! I feel so sorry for the protagonist, though, as Christine said above, what a rough life… and such a horrible ending! Poor Derrek.
Thanks for participating in my little blog challenge!
Lolzy, thank you! 😀 And you caught the mood transitions–wonderful! It starts off intriguing/creepy, segues into a false peace, and then ack, scariness. Or that was the idea, anyway. XD
Poor Derrek indeed. I don't know why he had to come into my head with such a sad life, but it seemed to fit.
Thanks for hosting it! I plan to make my way around to all the other stories soon, yours included.
I quite like this story, generally. I wrote down a few things to consider, though they're all matters of taste, to some degree. There are some words and phrases, and perhaps a couple of paragraphs, that could be cut out to streamline the story. I won't give any specific examples. On the same level, the pacing wanes just slightly in the middle. Looking at the overall structure of the story, I see that you've adopted a more narrative approach (as in 3rd-narrative POV) while using 1st-person. It definitely makes the story feel like a traditional ghost story. I would be interested, on the other hand, in seeing a version of the story that is more present, more reminiscent of 3rd-limited POV. You could develop a less generic voice for the protagonist, and the eerie elements of the story may feel less distant. Again, these are just my thoughts. Your use of language is very good, even if it isn't wholly necessary for the story.
Thank you! Not many people are willing to offer critique publicly, and I appreciate the feedback.
I agree, it could definitely be streamlined. I didn't put a lot of time into this story–being rather busy with college, I was just happy to be writing, period. (My poor WIP is moving along at a snail's pace these days.) So this was kind of like a writing exercise for me to keep the creative juices flowing, and if I come back to spruce it up one day, I shall take your tips into consideration!
Interesting point about the POV, I must say. I think I slipped into the narrative approach because, as you said, it's the traditional ghost story tack. (But I also tend to write mostly in 3rd person limited, so this was a nice little switch for me.)
Anyway, I don't mean to sound as if I'm rejecting your advice, because I'm glad to have it, and it was all spot on. Thanks again! 🙂
sljfdalfjalkfj! waht even! Tracey, this was gorgeous. Your writing is just flawless! This story was chilling and yet… soothing at the same time? I don't even know how it made me feel. o.o But it was good. Very good.
Awww, Emily, thanks!
Oh boy, soothing? That's the feel I was going for with the middle, but it's almost chilling to know it…worked? If that makes sense? Because that's exactly what Derrek feels–peaceful, and then scared out of his mind. XD
That totally makes sense. xD And yes, it worked very well. *nods*
The description of the humming sound ran chills down my spine! I feel so sorry for poor Derrek.
Oooh, I'm so happy to hear that! I feel sorry for him too. Poor, unfortunate soul…
Sooo Creepy, masterfully done Tracey!
Thanks for reading, Skye! <3
Ooh, I love this! So creepy, and beautiful changes between unease and peacefulness. I had to go back and read it again. Love this part in particular "The shadows blackened again, though the voice continued. Always filled this house? Had it? My memory seemed patchy. I couldn’t recall whether I was hearing the song for the first time or the thousandth." Though really, I loved it all, and I don't even read this genre!
Thank you, Imogen! I'm glad the mood changes came across. You read it twice?? How lovely of you! Seriously, I take that as a high compliment, especially if this isn't your genre of choice. Thanks so much for reading! ^_^
Tracey! This was so good! I loooved (/was extremely alarmed by) the way the cage controlled his thoughts, the way he tried to fight it, failed … "Time abandoned me". I LOVE THIS IMAGE. Just, all the word choice was spot on. I also liked the details about chemistry and root beer — even in this short piece, Derrek had characteristics, had a character. Love it!
THANK YOU, EMILY! *beams* Your parenthetic "extremely alarmed by" phrase made me laugh. (Maniacally cackle, that is.) Good to hear that those little details were a success. Thanks so much for reading! I'm always happy to hear your feedback. *hugs*